Tall stories & a few songs by Rawclyde!
This One
is
On The House
The music pounded like a locomotive. The go-go girl followed it like a train. And every patron in the bar was her caboose.
Her nucleus of sexuality, hardly covered by a little white bikini bottom oh so snug, exploded, poetically speaking, all over the stage.
She aimed it at a poor hobo and pumped him a few. She would never know how much he appreciated that. She did the bump 'de bump with a lonely soldier boy's ambition and ground to pieces an old cowboy's sadness. Boldly she stepped up close to a wicked man's leer, crouched low and with her hands ludicrously rammed it in and out.
Her fat, shapely, little belly, a masterpiece so tan, so smooth, so hot, was just about smoking like a home on fire. Her belly button was the sun. Her stage, more than just creaking wood, was the face of every feller's drifting dream.
She really knew how to dance.
Like a snake, like a swan, like a cloud, like a shooting star, like the terrible truth and a thousand lies. Nobody, absolutely nobody played pool when Philana danced.
A tall stranger sauntered into the place. Infront of the go-go bar's stage, or ramp, he stoically stood ~ watched the go-go girl go-go. His presence loomed so profoundly that the hooting, guffawing, and even the silent dreaming of all the Saturday night patrons ~ died. He was that rare kind of guy. Besides, except for a preposterous, black, cowboy hat on his head, he was naked.
The go-go tune ended.
Nobody clapped. Usually everybody clapped, and a few would holler, when Philana finished a number. But due to this stranger's strange naked presence ~ not this time.
An old drunk accidently knocked over a glass of beer. He ducked his head sheepishly. Not a soul moved. Deep silence reigned.
The stranger, lewdly handsome, smiled just a little bit at the intrigued saloon girl who was now standing still in the quiet limelight. She rested her hand on her smooth hip, eyeballed the stranger up and down ~ especially down. She was out of breath. Her round, bare, little breasts gently rose and fell.
"What? What? Are you trying to corrupt this town?" she finally asked of him ~ her smile twitching.
"No," replied the stranger with an unobtrusive chuckle. "Just escaped from jail. All I could grab on my way out was ~ my hat."
Another working girl, scantily clad, quietly served him a beer. "The bartender says this one is on the house," she whispered.
The stranger nodded gratefully, toasted the bartender, lifted the frosty mug to his thirsty lips.
Philana rested a high-heeled foot on the bar that encircled the ramp. She was staring at the stranger with not just her eyes, it seemed, but also with the provocative bulge of her snuggly, barely veiled, dynamite-packed pussy, which was at the same level as the stranger's face and just a few inches away. "What's your name?" she asked.
"Bogie," drawled the stranger. He ignored the saloon girl's poignantly flaunted mound, squinted up into the soul in her brown bottomless eyes. "Nick Bogie."
"I'm Philana," said Philana. Music began to play again. Some fool howled. There was laughter. And cigarette smoke. The woman and the man stared into each other's eyes for a long moment.
Then ~
"Let's ball, Bogie!" cried Philana like a whip. Her eyes squinted full of tears. Her thigh quivered. The man to whom she had spoken held open his arms.
She jumped.
He carried her out the door like a bride.
(Copyright Clyde Collins 1989, 2010)
~~~
When I'm Dead & Gone
When I die
When I die
I want a can of gold paint
Shot into the sky ~
To crash & splash
Into a long black cloud ~
And I don't care if
The boom ain't loud.
When I die
When I die
I want gold coins to rain
From the freshly painted sky ~
To fall into the purses of
All the ladies I've known ~
To finally let them know
They never had to be alone.
On each gold coin
My smiling face will be ~
To remind these women
I was always broke but free.
Oh
When I die
When I die
All these ladies I've known
Will be made rich ~
Will have full cupboards and
Plenty of clothes to stitch.
When I die
When I die
I then want these sweet things
To throw themselves into the sea ~
'Cuz they were ballin'
every man, every man but me...
(Copyright Clyde Collins 1989, 2010)
~~~
Top Hat:
Caroline Munro
"The Golden Voyage of Sinbad"
(1974)
~~~
Note
The song on this page was the frontispiece in the book while the rest of the songs in this collection are from another book entitled, "For The Queen Of My Buffalos."
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